People in love make me want to vomit
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
