I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
