ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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