On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
