also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
