let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
