dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She bit a glass in half.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
