I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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