she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
