I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
