I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
