i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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