He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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