I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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