So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
