yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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