he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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