this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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