please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
