Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
