You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
