yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
