he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
