can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
