areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
