Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
