Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
