I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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