We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
