Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
