i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
