Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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