Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
