I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Watching her eat just hurts me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
