Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
