Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
