This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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