K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So vagazzling was a success
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
