conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
