Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you win again, gameday.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
