the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
