I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
