if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
