I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
