so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
