That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
