So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
