How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need moral support for this bender
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
