I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
