I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
